Love & Marriage: couples in the first year Posted on September 8, 2015May 18, 2018 by AspireNB Love and Marriage: Couples in the first year Do you feel that? She asked as we watched the stars and moon illuminate the sea before us. Tell me you feel it? That longing to not just exist, but to live and to live beautifully? I, with a smile filled with so much truth it could move the clouds, said to her: Of course I feel it. The heart in you, is the heart in me. -Christopher Poindexter Summer.. time for weddings, love, the beach, and relaxing. Then comes September, school, work, the bills…. Especially in the first year of marriage, we all hope for things to be easy, filled only with love, fun, and wonderful times. Maybe you are one of the lucky few where this happens easily but I think most of the time, LIFE happens instead. Life can spark disagreements and stress for couples, and leave both of you questioning what marriage is “supposed” to be like. When my husband and I got married in 2007, we both looked to our families to see what made their marriages successful. We knew that having their advice was a luxury not everyone is privileged to have. At the same time, even their advice was confusing at times … both sides with different marriage styles that were different from our own! The truth is, marriage not only needs love – but hard work … even in the first year! Adding to the list of newlywed stresses are the statistics. We have all seen the numbers broadcast on TV, social media, and the internet that over 50% of marriages now end in divorce. Not a pleasant statistic for newlyweds- or anyone considering marriage or a committed relationship! Many couples feel marriage counseling is the beginning of the end, when in reality, it is crucial to learn and practice healthy communication from the beginning. Pre-marital counseling, early couples counseling or occasional “tune-ups” can help get any marriage started on the right foot- and assess for areas that can be improved before they create more serious problems. I use the Gottman Couples Method when working with couples and feel it gives couples clear strategies to bring healing into their relationship, instead of focusing solely on what’s going wrong. John Gottman has defined the “4 horsemen of the apocalypse” (behaviors that can deteriorate a marriage or relationship and invite breakups) 1. criticism 2. contempt 3. defensiveness 4. stonewalling Over the course of any marriage or relationship, it is highly probable that at least one or two of these horsemen will appear. However, learning how to communicate effectively can prevent them from taking up permanent space in your relationship. I use Gottman’s Couples Method because it has decades of research to support its theories and I have seen it work! If you are recently married, or are thinking about getting engaged, and would like to learn how to prevent arguments or more effectively communicate with your partner, give me a call for a free phone consultation. -Gillian To learn more about John Gottman’s 4 horsemen and their antidotes, watch the clip below: John Gottman’s 4 horsemen video If you would like to read more articles on Gottman’s research, visit his blog here: Gottman Blog *** Gillian Amaro, LPC-S I believe that we, as individuals, can create joy, love, and purpose in our lives through authentic connection. I love empowering women, couples & teens to feel comfortable with who they are & gain insight about how they connect with others. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor & Supervisor and offer individual, family & couples sessions, as well as group therapy. My passion for counseling & healthy communication includes stepping out of the office to facilitate workshops and CEU trainings. *** 392 W. Mill St. New Braunfels, TX 78130 www.aspireNB.com Facebook: @AspireNewBraunfels Gillian’s profile on Psychology Today Aspire NB on Facebook
Beginning Again Posted on August 4, 2015May 18, 2018 by AspireNB “When we stop caring about what people think, we lose our capacity for connection. When we become defined by what people think, we lose our willingness to be vulnerable. If we dismiss all the criticism, we lose out on important feedback, but if we subject ourselves to the hatefulness, our spirits get crushed. It’s a tightrope, shame resilience is the balance bar, and the safety net below is the one or two people in our lives who can help us reality-check the criticism and cynicism.” – Brene Brown, Ph.D., LMSW I am worthy. I am worthy of change, of hoping for more. I am worthy even though ______________ told me I wasn’t. What would it take for you to feel worthy? Empowered? Content with who you are, right now? It is easy to fall prey to anxiety or shame and let it dictate your life’s course. Maybe you think you are unworthy because you are “supposed” to be farther along in life, or because you have made mistakes in your past. Sometimes you feel unworthy because you suffered trauma, abuse, or just because you are not ______ enough, whatever that may be. If you notice yourself being overly critical, (using the words “always”, “never” or “should” can often be an indication of this) try to take a step back to rephrase. For example, instead of “I can never get it right!” saying: “This feels overwhelming right now, and I can’t do it all. What I can do is ________”. Another way to take care of yourself is to connect with others in a genuine way. Find someone to talk to who will want to learn about the ways you are unique instead of judging you for your differences. Start where you are, be kind to yourself, and work at your own pace. As the saying goes the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is today. Instead of helping us “toughen up” and succeed, being critical of ourselves is often our biggest downfall. We gradually shut down, decreasing our ability to be creative, productive, and successful – to dull the very light within us that others may need to see. The very light that propels us to change and grow. Real life is full of maybes, grey areas and unanswered questions. If we can’t believe and trust in ourselves, it will be difficult to achieve our goals, connect with others, and feel content. We are here today to try again- and what a beautiful beginning. -Gillian If you are hoping to make a change in your life, or would just like more information on counseling in general, please call 512-501-2597. You may schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation to ask questions, gain a better understanding of what counseling is like, and decide if it is the right step for you. *** Gillian Amaro, LPC-S I believe that we, as individuals, can create joy, love, and purpose in our lives through authentic connection. I love empowering women, couples & teens to feel comfortable with who they are & gain insight about how they connect with others. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor & Supervisor and offer individual, family & couples sessions, as well as group therapy. My passion for counseling & healthy communication includes stepping out of the office to facilitate workshops and CEU trainings. *** 392 W. Mill St. New Braunfels, TX 78130 www.aspireNB.com Facebook: @AspireNewBraunfels Gillian’s profile on Psychology Today Aspire NB on Facebook
Calming Ourselves in a Chaotic World Posted on June 24, 2015June 28, 2017 by AspireNB “When all our needs are fulfilled, the brain doesn’t need to focus on survival tasks and feels safe enough to open up to our natural presence and uncover happiness.” -Dr. Elisha Goldstein, PhD. Do you ever feel like you don’t have enough time? That you can never do enough or be “good enough”? Maybe you feel everyone is against you? Do you find yourself yelling at other drivers on the road, or losing patience with your closest friends and family members? Sometimes dealing with life’s everyday stressors can get the best of us, and leave us feeling like some of the examples above. It can happen to everyone – and when we are faced with a world that feels chaotic, we struggle more and more with how to understand and experience stress in a way that does not cause harm to ourselves, or our loved ones. The most tempting way to deal with our feelings is often to numb ourselves – with TV, food, constant distractions, or substances. Numbing can be helpful temporarily, but it’s best to learn to cope with these stressors in a way that will interrupt their negative cycle and create more lasting change in our life. According to Farb et.al’s study Minding one’s emotions: Mindfulness training alters the neural expression of sadness, mindfulness training (MT) has been shown to facilitate both recovery from emotional challenge and increased tolerance of negative affect. Here are a few ways to practice calming yourself: 1. Investigate what types of situations trigger negative emotions or behaviors for you, and why. 2. When you know a stressful time is approaching, make plans to connect with a friend or loved one who lifts you up or makes you laugh. 3. Write down short verses that encourage you to stop and create more awareness for yourself. In her book, Uncovering Happiness, Dr. Goldstein gives examples such as “Breathing in, I am here… Breathing out, I am alive” while taking steps inside, or “Breathing in, I notice the colors all around me… Breathing out, I smile” while outside. Another option is “Breathing in, I wash my hands…. Breathing out, gratitude for these hands”. 4. When you are recovering from stress or a triggering situation, take time to engage in meditation. Below are a few examples to get you started. Dr. Goldstein’s 10 minute body scan Sky Mind Meditation Dr. Goldstein’s Sky of Awareness Meditation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mtsdz_jhB7c For more information regarding counseling services for stress management, anxiety, perfectionism, or other concerns, please see our contact information below. Thanks, Gillian Aspire New Braunfels PLLC 145 Landa Street, New Braunfels, TX 78130 512-501-2597
Combatting Shame for Mental Health Month Posted on May 5, 2015June 28, 2017 by AspireNB May is National Mental Health Awareness Month! Dr. Brene Brown, author of books “I thought it was just me” and “Daring Greatly” always does a fantastic job of discussing shame and resilience. Many times, individuals experience shame as a result of trauma, harsh or unrealistic family values, misunderstandings, identity, body image or even ignorance about mental health or counseling. Just like physical health or physical fitness, mental health is important to practice daily! Most of us can admit we have at one time or another experienced shame. Sometimes, especially if we have multiple shame triggers, it can spiral into depression or other mental health concerns that hinder our ability to achieve our goals and visions for life. In this short video, Dr. Brene Brown describes the 3 best ways to stop a shame spiral. For more information on Dr. Brene Brown and her work on shame and resilience visit: http://brenebrown.com -Gillian Amaro Aspire New Braunfels PLLC 145 Landa Street, New Braunfels TX 78130 512-501-2597
Confronting the Elephant Posted on March 5, 2015May 18, 2018 by AspireNB Confronting the Elephant: Attending to your past traumas”The single most important thing that we need today is the courage to look this problem in the face and say, this is real and this is all of us.” -Nadine Burke Harris Suck it up. Stop making excuses. People mean well, but if you have had trauma in your life, these words can be confusing – or harmful to your recovery. And everyone: no matter their socioeconomics, race, sexual orientation or gender, has either experienced a trauma – or knows someone who has. If you have never heard of the ACE study, you are not alone. It does not get much attention, but is important – so much so that pediatrician Nadine Burke Harris designs her healthcare practice, the Center for Youth Wellness, on its principles. ACE stands for Adverse Childhood Experiences and the research conducted by Dr. Vince Felitti at Kaiser and Dr. Bob Anda at the CDC investigates how childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime. You see, it is easy to tell your doctor you have a sore throat, or a broken arm. You have a problem, they have a solution. It is harder to tell your doctor that your mom drinks too much, and is verbally or physically abusive when she does, or that your dad hits your mom. There are only 1o questions on the test, and almost everyone scores at least a 1, but the closer you score to 10, the more likely you are to suffer health consequences … even if you do not turn to drinking, drugging, or risky behaviors as a result of the trauma. Sometimes, we can suffer trauma without psychological or physical backlash. We can understand it and keep a healthy self-concept and move on without help. But sometimes, when we try to “suck it up” – to ignore or push away a traumatic experience, the impact on our mental health and susceptibility to stress-related medical problems actually increases. The elephant gets bigger. The silver lining is that if you take the time to acknowledge your past, you can decrease the effects of it. Answering the questions, and seeking help from a Licensed Professional Counselor or mental health professional can help you to gain an understanding of your past, how it can trigger your stress hormones, understand your needs, and how to use your individual strengths to reduce the trauma’s effect on your decision making and overall health. Confronting this elephant can confront the source- and allow you to heal. Like healing a broken bone, healing the impact of trauma does not happen overnight. It takes time, energy, commitment and strength. However, for many people, the positive changes in relationships, self-esteem, and overall well-being are worth the time and effort. If you are one of the rare people who score a 0 on the test, you can still be involved. You can start a dialogue, and voice the importance of counseling and mental health care so that more people know where to find care- and feel comfortable asking for it. -Gillian Below is the TED talk by Nadine Burke Harris on the subject, and a link to the ACE study. TED video of Nadine Burke Harris: Link to ACE Study: http://www.acestudy.org/yahoo_site_admin/assets/docs/ACE_Calculator-English.127143712.pdf *** Gillian Amaro, LPC-S I believe that we, as individuals, can create joy, love, and purpose in our lives through authentic connection. I love empowering women, couples & teens to feel comfortable with who they are & gain insight about how they connect with others. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor & Supervisor and offer individual, family & couples sessions, as well as group therapy. My passion for counseling & healthy communication includes stepping out of the office to facilitate workshops and CEU trainings. *** 392 W. Mill St. New Braunfels, TX 78130 www.aspireNB.com Facebook: @AspireNewBraunfels Gillian’s profile on Psychology Today Aspire NB on Facebook
High School Powerhaus Posted on January 24, 2015June 11, 2018 by AspireNB High School Powerhaus: A Supportive group for high school students In high school, there are so many decisions to make, peer pressures to avoid, and family expectations to uphold. If you are a high school student who feels overwhelmed at times from expectations from school, family, friends & activities, this group is for you! Sometimes, it seems no one understands the pressures that high school can bring, except other high school students. This group allows high schoolers to talk, vent, and support each other, taking time away from outside opinions, and learning what you truly like & need in your life. Group goals include: Purposefully choosing decisions for myself & my future Successfully managing school assignments, tasks, & expectations Finding positive ways to cope with stress Balancing activities, family, friends, school & work Increasing positive communication with parents regarding your feelings & needs Boundary setting Goal setting Meditation & Relaxation Exercises Meeting like-minded high school students Accepting support & requesting feedback from HS peers in a safe environment Laughing This group meets once a month on Monday evenings. Cost: $40/session This will be a closed group, meaning that once we begin a series, I will not let anyone new into the group. This allows for higher levels of confidentiality and safety. I keep groups small, with no more than 6 participants per group, so that I can easily attend to each member’s needs. For specific dates & times, questions, or to reserve your space, please contact Gillian Amaro, M.Ed., LPC at 512-501-2597.
New Counseling Location! Posted on January 1, 2015February 26, 2016 by AspireNB We are excited to announce that we have a new counseling location here in New Braunfels! 145 Landa Street, New Braunfels TX 78130- a beautiful, historic building close to the plaza downtown. In addition, there is a room just for our counseling groups. We still have a counseling space in San Marcos, however we are slowly moving all clients to the New Braunfels location. All new counseling appointments will be scheduled in New Braunfels at the location above. If you are seeking counseling and want to schedule an appointment, or if you have questions regarding counseling or the counseling process, please feel free to give us a call at 512-501-2597. We offer free phone consultations and are usually able to return your call within 24 hours.
Senior Project Posted on November 15, 2014June 11, 2018 by AspireNB Calling All Seniors! Most high school seniors feel like their last year in high school is one life changing decision after another, and so many “last times” that it can get overwhelming fast. College choices, scholarships, forms, relationships, leaving friends behind, attending homecoming, clubs, prom…. You may feel like graduation can’t come soon enough one day, and the next day you can’t stop worrying about how little time you have. It may even feel as though in every area in your life, you are constantly having to prove yourself. Getting through your senior year is a bit like learning to ride a bike without the training wheels. Once you get moving, it will seem natural & you’ll never look back. But in the meantime, you’ll need a lot of love, support, trust… and maybe a push or two. This group is specifically for high school seniors who want guidance through their senior year, in a way that is hard to find within your typical high school routine. We will meet once a month for the whole year and will talk, vent, offer support, and practice coping skills that will help you as you transition to your next step in life. I truly love working with high school seniors, and enjoy incorporating any music, art, or writing that helps you to express your experiences. In addition to specific requests from group members we will address: Reducing overwhelm & anxiety Accepting support & requesting feedback from your peers Self-care skills Meditation & relaxation exercises Healthy communication strategies Boundary setting Articulating & fulfilling individual needs Goal setting Feeling more empowered in your life The fee will be $40/session, and we will meet once a month on Monday evenings. This is a closed group, which means that once we begin, I will not let anyone new into the group. This allows for higher levels of confidentiality and safety. I keep groups small, with no more than 5 participants per group, so that I can easily attend to each member’s needs. To sign up or ask questions, please contact Gillian Amaro, M.Ed., LPC at 512-501-2597
Lean on Me group starting soon Posted on November 3, 2014 by AspireNB Lean on Me- A grief support group for women only Maybe you have experienced a sudden and recent loss. Maybe you are grieving a loved one who died several years ago and are struggling with how to live your life without them. Maybe you are just wondering what is “normal”. This will be a closed, 6 week long support group for women who have lost a family member, spouse, or close friend and are seeking support and understanding through the holiday season. A closed group simply means that once the group starts, I will not allow any other new members into the group. $30 OFF if you register by November 8! Saturday, November 8= individual pre-group interviews & signup (MANDATORY) (time slots available are 8, 9, 10, or 11AM) We will meet every Saturday morning from November 15-January 3, with the exception of November 29 & December 13. Specific dates are: November 15 & 22, December 6, 20, & 27 and January 3 For more information please contact Gillian Amaro at 512-501-2597, or amaro@aspireNB.com “Each of us has lived through some devastation, some loneliness, some weather superstorm or spiritual superstorm. When we look at each other we must say, I understand. I understand how you feel because I have been there myself. We must support each other because each of us is more alike than we are unalike.” -Maya Angelou www.aspireNB.com facebook.com/aspirenewbraunfels
Energetic Failure Posted on October 4, 2014May 18, 2018 by AspireNB The Benefits of Energetic Failure By Gillian Amaro “My dad encouraged us to fail. Growing up, he would ask us what we failed at that week. If we didn’t have something, he would be disappointed. It changed my mindset at an early age that failure is not the outcome, failure is not trying. Don’t be afraid to fail.” -Sara Blakely, founder of Spanx Being vulnerable. To me, that is what Sara is talking about here. I would like to add the word energetic to this quote – excited failing. We are not talking about the kind of failure where your job has run you down, and you start doing terrible work because you don’t care. That is not energetic failure. We are talking about the type of failure where you have had 5 great new ideas that are really thinking outside the box. They all fail, but you gained energy from taking the time to be creative. You try one more time. When we are kids, we are constantly trying new things, asking questions, and excitedly taking in the world just as we see it with no fears of looking silly. And then we change. And it seems that we can’t always pinpoint the specific moment when we became worried about being vulnerable. After reading Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly, I realized even more so how being vulnerable is a key component in enjoying and getting the most out of your life. I recently wrote a letter to an acquaintance thanking her for insight on a particular situation. I had talked with her several times, but we were not particularly close. Even though she had inspired me, I almost did not send it. I thought, maybe this is too personal, too many details to share, maybe I should just say “thanks”- and leave it at that. What if she thinks _________? Many words were inserted into that blank space. I decided to send it anyway. It felt genuine and I listened to that. She called me back with many more questions than I had ever imagined. It had energized her, and in turn, she wanted to offer even more insight and ideas. A new friendship was made. This is what life is about. How can you connect with others differently, challenge yourself in new ways, see things in a new light? Sometimes the biggest reward is in how you feel when you are being vulnerable, even failing – but failing energetically! Start small or start big, but get started… what dreams or ideas have you been ignoring? How are you willing to energetically fail this week? -Gillian *** Gillian Amaro, LPC-S I believe that we, as individuals, can create joy, love, and purpose in our lives through authentic connection. I love empowering women, couples & teens to feel comfortable with who they are & gain insight about how they connect with others. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor & Supervisor and offer individual, family & couples sessions, as well as group therapy. My passion for counseling & healthy communication includes stepping out of the office to facilitate workshops and CEU trainings. *** 392 W. Mill St. New Braunfels, TX 78130 www.aspireNB.com Facebook: @AspireNewBraunfels Gillian’s profile on Psychology Today Aspire NB on Facebook