FREE Parent & Tot Yoga Posted on October 2, 2018 by AspireNB Playfully integrating our minds, bodies & hearts Not sure about starting a yoga class with your little one? Here is a perfect way to try, for free! I will be leading a trial class at the library, once a month, in October, November & December. Parent & Tot Yoga is a 40 minute class for little ones and their families. I have very relaxed expectations for kids (and parents!) in this class and my focus is on having fun while learning! We will integrate many different skills & activities including games, songs, socialization, deep breathing, meditation, mindfulness, parent-child bonding, and of course practicing yoga! Who: Any children 5 & under and their guardian(s) When: First Fridays of October, November & December at 11:30AM Where: New Braunfels Public Library (call to pre-register) Why: Yoga means union, focusing on exercising body & mind at the same time. This class will also create stronger unions between parents & tots! PRE-REGISTRATION IS REQUIRED! Please call the library at 830-221-4300 to register.
5 Steps for Creating Special time with our children Posted on February 1, 2018May 18, 2018 by AspireNB “Special time”, or M & M time as I like to call it (mommy & me) is simply a time to connect with your child daily that is different than the rest of the day. With visitors, phone calls, dishes, yard work….. most of us cannot connect with our children all the time! The simplicity & complexity of creating a sacred space for connection & healing is an important component of therapy. Similarly, you might need help in setting up a sacred space for connection with your child. Here are 5 steps to help you begin! 1) Decide how much time you can set aside for M&M time daily. Ideally, this would be 15-20 minutes every day with each child, however this obviously depends on your work demands, family rhythm, and size. The most important thing is that you are present with your child for a guaranteed amount of time daily. Even if you can only commit to 5 minutes daily, having a consistent routine for special time assures your child that they will get important connection every day, just with you. 2) Depending on your child’s age, think about- or talk with your child about- where is most comfortable for them to play and/or talk, and then decide the best time and place for special time. You may find one child wakes up early, and enjoys their special time then, while another needs to check in right after school or after dinner. Ideally, if you have multiple children, this is a time and place where their siblings are asleep, spending time with your spouse, or involved in another activity. 3) Develop some kind of ritual to signify that special time is beginning or ending. This could be a specific time, song, candle, fun yell, “secret sign”, or even lighting of a candle. With smaller children, you will want to set a timer, and give them updates about how much time is left, so that they understand clearly when special time begins and ends. 4) As much as possible, allow your child to talk about or ask you anything they want. If they ask a question that makes you feel uncomfortable, say that you are uncomfortable answering that and offer an alternative (more information on ACT limit setting here). As a parent, please make sure if you do ask questions during special time that they are: A) Open-ended B) Not related to recent arguments or disagreements and C) Your child can “pass” or choose not to answer for any reason 5) There are a few important “rules” for special time: 1. Allow your child to be “in charge” during this time as much as is possible. 2. If they want to do something that is not allowed, use the ACT limit setting strategy and try to keep your voice calm. 3. Setting Limits: Use the ACT limit setting technique described here 4. Phones are off and in another room. 5. Most of the play and/or topics should be introduced by the child. Examples of open ended questions: Can you describe your favorite part of your day today? Can you describe a time when you had trouble in school today? What made you laugh today? Can you tell me about a friend you have, that I don’t know much about? How is our family different from your friends’ families? How are we the same? Some ideas for special time activities might include: play dough legos puzzles painting blocks taking a walk outside cards or board games matchbox cars trains dolls pretend play -kitchen, tools, etc outdoor play/games Please allow yourself to make mistakes as you are trying this out. In time, it will get easier. As this becomes more routine, adding weekly or monthly “dates” with mom and dad are another great way to connect, do something fun, and create memories. Keep connecting! -Gillian For a quick summary of ACT limit setting, please click here For a video on ACT limit setting by Dr. Theresa Kellam please click here If you are hoping to make a change in your life, or would just like more information on counseling in general, please call 512-501-2597. You may schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation to ask questions, gain a better understanding of what counseling is like, and decide if it is the right step for you. “Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” -Fred Rogers *** Gillian Amaro, LPC-S I believe that we, as individuals, can create joy, love, and purpose in our lives through authentic connection. I love empowering women, couples & teens to feel comfortable with who they are & gain insight about how they connect with others. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor & Supervisor and offer individual, family & couples sessions, as well as group therapy. My passion for counseling & healthy communication includes stepping out of the office to facilitate workshops and CEU trainings. *** 392 W. Mill St. New Braunfels, TX 78130 www.aspireNB.com Facebook: @AspireNewBraunfels Gillian’s profile on Psychology Today Aspire NB on Facebook
ACT Limit Setting Posted on February 1, 2018May 18, 2018 by AspireNB ACT limit setting is a positive discipline strategy developed by Dr. Garry Landreth, co-founder of Child Parent Relational Therapy. Setting limits with your children is hard, and many times I am asked what books & techniques I recommend. ACT limit setting is always my first recommendation, and can be used with BOTH toddlers and teens. Here is a quick summary of the ACT limit setting formula: 1) Acknowledge the Feeling “You are feeling happy and having fun playing war…” 2) Communicate the Limit “but toys are not for throwing.” 3) Target the Alternative “You may move your toys fast or slide them on the floor” That’s it! Parenting is as much about setting limits as it is about having fun with your child. So, it only makes sense that connection must also happen when you need to discipline, or set limits for your child. The ACT method truly is a quick, easy way to communicate limits- and connect with your child. It can even be used with teens. For example: “I know you feel angry and disappointed that you cannot go to the concert with your friends. I wish you could go alone, but it is too far to drive by yourself. If you still want to go, I can take you myself, or you can go with your dad.” Regardless of the limits or rules you need to set in your home, genuinely listening to & understanding your child’s feelings is critical for fostering a positive parent-child relationship. As a bonus, this positive relationship & connection makes it easier for your child to accept your rules & limits! Keep connecting! -Gillian For a video on setting limits with young children, click here. *** Gillian Amaro, LPC-S I believe that we, as individuals, can create joy, love, and purpose in our lives through authentic connection. I love empowering women, couples & teens to feel comfortable with who they are & gain insight about how they connect with others. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor & Supervisor and offer individual, family & couples sessions, as well as group therapy. My passion for counseling & healthy communication includes stepping out of the office to facilitate workshops and CEU trainings. *** 392 W. Mill St. New Braunfels, TX 78130 www.aspireNB.com Facebook: @AspireNewBraunfels Gillian’s profile on Psychology Today Aspire NB on Facebook
Helping our Children with Grief through the Holidays Posted on November 6, 2017May 18, 2018 by AspireNB Grief & the Holidays: Helping our Children & Teens By Gillian Amaro, M.Ed., LPC-S “The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but, you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to.” -Elizabeth Kubler-Ross & David Kessler When a loved one dies, what used to be the most wonderful time of year can suddenly be a harsh reminder that someone you love is no longer with you and your family. There are many different ways to grieve, and so similarly, there are many different ways to observe the holiday season after a loss. One way to start is to have a family discussion that includes- and focuses on – your children. Most likely, the loss of your loved one will demand changes in your holiday routine. Talking about these changes openly will allow all members of your family to share how they connected with their loved one during the holiday season. It also allows everyone to explain why they can’t celebrate in the same way this year– or why they feel it is so important that traditions continue. Sometimes families like to add traditions to honor their loved ones. Remind your family that the focus of this discussion is to listen to each other and support each other, not to force a compromise or decision. As much as possible, try to find ways to incorporate everyone’s wishes. Each child is unique and cannot be expected to experience their grief in the same way as others. They may be sad and talking about their loved one often, or they may be happy and focused on the season alone; both are normal. Reminding your children about this will help them to be more supportive of each other. Though it is a busy time of year, it will be important for you to be flexible. Children’s emotions can change quickly, so try to be patient. They may need a time out from festivities to remember their loved one, even if they (or you) did not think they would need to. Model your feelings about your grief and the holidays with statements like “I am feeling_______. I need _________. Will you ________?” You can find a complete list of feelings & needs here. If you have conflicting feelings, it is ok to say both and explain why. Finally, if you are unable to cope with the holiday season without the help of alcohol or drugs, or if you find yourself unable to have these conversations with your children, seek out help from a licensed counselor. You are grieving too, and if you do not have support, you won’t be able to give your children the support and understanding they need. For books and more information, the Children’s Bereavement Center of South Texas has a great list of resources here: http://cbcst.org/what-we-do/resources/recommended-readings/ *** Gillian Amaro, LPC-S I believe that we, as individuals, can create joy, love, and purpose in our lives through authentic connection. I love empowering women, couples & teens to feel comfortable with who they are & gain insight about how they connect with others. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor & Supervisor and offer individual, family & couples sessions, as well as group therapy. My passion for counseling & healthy communication includes stepping out of the office to facilitate workshops and CEU trainings. *** 392 W. Mill St. New Braunfels, TX 78130 www.aspireNB.com Facebook: @AspireNewBraunfels Gillian’s profile on Psychology Today Aspire NB on Facebook
Resources Posted on August 3, 2014February 16, 2018 by AspireNB The following are a compilation of books, local resources, programs & websites I have found to be helpful. Check back often as it will continue to grow! Crisis/Emergency Counseling: Call the national emergency hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or 911 if you are in any type of crisis. The lifeline is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and will immediately connect you with a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area. National Suicide Prevention & Crisis Hotline Crisis Center of Comal County Hill Country MHDD Centers Women: I thought it was just me This book by Brene Brown defines shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging” and explains how this shame we carry can underlie depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and much more. Daring Greatly Another book by Brene Brown, this one focuses more on how the courage to be vulnerable can change our lives for the better. Life is a verb Written by Patti Digh, this beautifully designed book encourages readers to live “each individual, glorious, simple day with more intention” and say yes, be generous, speak up, love more, trust yourself, and slow down. Resources for Families: McKenna Parenting Program in New Braunfels: this is a wonderful program for educating and providing support to families through the crucial first years of their child’s life. The Relationship Cure Written by John M. Gottman, Ph.D., this book applies over 20 years of research to not just couples but all relationships, including families, friendships, and work relationships. A Mighty Girl: A fantastic collection of books, toys and movies and advice for smart, confident, and courageous girls and their families. Reviving Ophelia A classic book written by Mary Pipher, PhD on the specific battles young girls & teens face in our society and offers parents compassion, strength, and strategies to revive their young girls. Violet This is a great book for children who have parents of mixed heritage, families who have adopted, or any child. I love this book and think it is a wonderful way to start positive conversations about race, culture, and how we each are different and unique. Kindermoms of New Braunfels: this is a group for moms wishing to meet and connect with other local moms. They strive to create a place for moms to meet while at the same time engaging with their kids in fun and play. Texas DFPS : Allows you to search local child care facilities, compare facility inspection ratings, and read full inspection reports to find the best care for your child. Postpartum Support International: this is a website dedicated to explaining depression during pregnancy and postpartum, as well as a collection of resources, information, and online ways to connect with other moms. Dinosaurs Divorce: A guide for changing families This book is for children whose parents are going through a divorce and helps guide conversations that will need to happen regarding all the changes in family life that come with divorce. Written by Laurene Krasny Brown & Marc Brown. Standing on My Own Two Feet: A child’s affirmation of love in the midst of divorce This book, written and illustrated by Tamara Schmitz, helps to remind your child that they are loved by both parents, even when mom and dad do not get along or divorce. Stop Bullying Now Campaign Resources for Couples: The Gottman Institute: A research-based approach to creating stronger relationships. I have successfully completed Levels 1 & 2 in the Gottman Couples Method and use this approach. I feel it is the best approach for premarital counseling, communication struggles, relationships, and marriage counseling. The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert Written by John M. Gottman, PhD, this book is a great book to start with if you have no prior knowledge about his research and are looking to improve your marriage. It explains Gottman’s theory, research, and includes exercises similar to the ones he uses in his workshops for you to try at home. Websites and Blogs: Brene Brown, PhD., LMSW: research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She has spent the past decade studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame, and has written several books on vulnerability, courage, and shame. The Gottman Relationship Blog: Articles & advice based on the Gottman Method, which I use in counseling couples and families. American Counseling Association Gillian’s profile on Psychology Today: For more information regarding insurance options and group details. Aspire New Braunfels- on Facebook Aspire New Braunfels – on Alignable LGBTQ individuals: LGBT facts for teens It Gets Better Project Parents: Helping your LGB teen stay healthy The Welcoming Project Anxiety: Helping your anxious child A great step-by-step book for parents of children who struggle with anxiety, written by Ronald M. Rapee, Ph.D., Ann Wignall, D.Psych., Susan H. Spence, PhD., Vanessa Cobham, PhD., and Heidi Lyneham, Ph.D. The Invisible String A heartwarming story that helps children understand that they are connected to their loved ones, even when they are apart. Written by Patrice Karst, this story is wonderful for many different situations. When my Worries Get too Big! A relaxation book for children who live with anxiety, by Kari Dunn Buron Relax a guide to relaxing and calming down; includes instructions & prompts for young children I thought it was just me This book by Brene Brown defines shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging” and explains how this shame we carry can underlie depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and much more. Daring Greatly Another book by Brene Brown, this one focuses more on how the courage to be vulnerable can change our lives for the better. Facing Panic: Self-help for people with panic attacks Written by renowned anxiety disorders expert Reid Wilson, PhD, this book includes techniques and exercises to manage and overcome panic attacks and panic disorder. Anxiety and Depression Association of America Information on anxiety. This site also has a link for teens to take a anxiety disorders self-test. International OCD Foundation The mission of the International OCD Foundation is to help individuals with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and related disorders to live full and productive lives. College Students & Teens: How to be an adult A handbook on psychological and spiritual integration by David Richo, this book guides readers on their positive journey from fear, through power, to love. Helping teens who cut This is a great book for families of teens who cut and helps explain self-injury and ways to cope with extreme emotions without resorting to self-injury. Written by Michael Hollander, PhD. MAD: A guide for teens Written by James J. Crist, PhD, this is an easy to read book for teens who need help dealing with their anger and getting respect- my favorite teen book on anger. Grief & Bereavement: On Grief & Grieving: Finding the meaning of grief through the five stages of loss, by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler: Elizabeth Kubler-Ross is one of the most respected authorities on death and dying and this book is a great place to start. The Invisible String A heartwarming story that helps children understand that they are connected to their loved ones, even when they are apart. Written by Patrice Karst, this story is wonderful for many different situations. ADD & ADHD: Smart but Scattered Written by Peg Dawson, EdD and Richard Guare, PhD, this book helps parents to help their children with ADHD get organized, stay focused, plan ahead, follow through on tasks, and solve problems. Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD) Depression: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Call 1-800-273-8255 or 911 if you are in any type of crisis. The lifeline is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and will immediately connect you with a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area. The Upward Spiral: Using neuroscience to reverse the course of depression, one small change at a time Written by Alex Korb, PhD, a neuroscientist in the department of psychiatry at the University of California, Los Angeles. This book gives straightforward tips to help alleviate depression, using proven strategies that are supported by the most recent research in neuroscience. Uncovering Happiness: Overcoming Depression with Mindfulness & Self-Compassion Written by Elisha Goldstein, PhD, this book explains some of the latest research regarding depression, the brain, and treatment, in an easy to read format, while also sharing straightforward tools and techniques. I don’t want to talk about it Written by Terrence Real, this book talks about depression in men – and the families that love them. I thought it was just me This book by Brene Brown speaks mostly to women and defines shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging” and explains how this shame we carry can underlie depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and much more. Helping teens who cut This is a great book for families of teens who cut and helps explain self-injury and ways to cope with extreme emotions without resorting to self-injury. Written by Michael Hollander, PhD. If your Adolescent Has Depression or Bipolar Disorder: An essential resource for parents Written by Dwight Evans & Linda Wasmer Andrews, this is written for parents and other caregivers of adolescents with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder or depression. Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance This is a patient directed national organization focusing on the most prevalent mental illnesses and provides up-to-date, scientifically based tools written in language that is reader friendly. Families for Depression Awareness This is an organization dedicated to informing and supporting the family members of people experiencing depressive disorders to help them support their loved ones. Brain & Behavior Research Foundation on Depression This site provides information and fact sheets regarding depression. Other books & websites I recommend: I hate you, don’t leave me Written by Jerold J. Kreisman, MD, and Hal Straus, this is a must-read for friends, family, and anyone who has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. A terrible thing happened Written by Margaret M. Holmes, this book focuses on children who have witnessed any kind of violent or traumatic episode, including physical or verbal abuse, school or gang violence, accidents, homicide, suicide, and natural disasters such as floods or fires. An afterword by Sasha J. Mudlaff is a great resource for parents and other caregivers. National Eating Disorders Association The National Eating Disorders Association website has stories of recovery from eating disorders, information about seeking treatment, and additional resources for school professionals and caregivers. National Institute of Mental Health This is the government site for mental health and gives a wealth of up-to-date information, downloadable packets and fact sheets. National Institute on Drug Abuse Provides additional links to information for parents, teens, health professionals, teachers and others. Alcoholics Anonymous website Al-Anon website Family and friends of problem drinkers. Includes information for teens who want to join. Narcotics Anonymous website