Love & Marriage: couples in the first year

Love and Marriage: Couples in the first year

 

Do you feel that?

She asked as we watched the stars and moon illuminate the sea before us.

Tell me you feel it?

That longing to not just exist, but to live and to live beautifully?

I, with a smile filled with so much truth it could move the clouds,

said to her:

Of course I feel it.

The heart in you, is the heart in me.

-Christopher Poindexter

 

Summer.. time for weddings, love, the beach, and relaxing.

Then comes September, school, work, the bills….

 

Especially in the first year of marriage, we all hope for things to be easy, filled only with love, fun, and wonderful times.

Maybe you are one of the lucky few where this happens easily but I think most of the time, LIFE happens instead.

Life can spark disagreements and stress for couples, and leave both of you questioning what marriage is “supposed” to be like. When my husband and I got married in 2007, we both looked to our families to see what made their marriages successful. We knew that having their advice was a luxury not everyone is privileged to have. At the same time, even their advice was confusing at times … both sides with different marriage styles that were different from our own!

The truth is, marriage not only needs love – but hard work … even in the first year!

Adding to the list of newlywed stresses are the statistics. We have all seen the numbers broadcast on TV, social media, and the internet that over 50% of marriages now end in divorce. Not a pleasant statistic for newlyweds- or anyone considering marriage or a committed relationship!

Many couples feel marriage counseling is the beginning of the end, when in reality, it is crucial to learn and practice healthy communication from the beginning. Pre-marital counseling, early couples counseling or occasional “tune-ups” can help get any marriage started on the right foot- and assess for areas that can be improved before they create more serious problems. I use the Gottman Couples Method when working with couples and feel it gives couples clear strategies to bring healing into their relationship, instead of focusing solely on what’s going wrong.

John Gottman has defined the “4 horsemen of the apocalypse” (behaviors that can deteriorate a marriage or relationship and invite breakups)

1. criticism

2. contempt

3. defensiveness

4. stonewalling

Over the course of any marriage or relationship, it is highly probable that at least one or two of these horsemen will appear. However, learning how to communicate effectively can prevent them from taking up permanent space in your relationship. I use Gottman’s Couples Method because it has decades of research to support its theories and I have seen it work!

If you are recently married, or are thinking about getting engaged, and would like to learn how to prevent arguments or more effectively communicate with your partner, give me a call for a free phone consultation.

-Gillian

To learn more about John Gottman’s 4 horsemen and their antidotes, watch the clip below:

John Gottman’s 4 horsemen video

 

If you would like to read more articles on Gottman’s research, visit his blog here:

Gottman Blog

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Gillian Amaro, LPC-S

I believe that we, as individuals, can create joy, love, and purpose in our lives through authentic connection. I love empowering women, couples & teens to feel comfortable with who they are & gain insight about how they connect with others. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor & Supervisor and offer individual, family & couples sessions, as well as group therapy. My passion for counseling & healthy communication includes stepping out of the office to facilitate workshops and CEU trainings.

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392 W. Mill St. New Braunfels, TX 78130

www.aspireNB.com

Facebook: @AspireNewBraunfels

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