The Benefits of Joining a Group Posted on February 16, 2018May 18, 2018 by AspireNB “My dad encouraged us to fail. Growing up, he would ask us what we failed at that week. If we didn’t have something, he would be disappointed. It changed my mindset at an early age that failure is not the outcome, failure is not trying. Don’t be afraid to fail.” -Sara Blakely, founder of Spanx When we are kids, we are constantly trying new things, asking questions, and excitedly taking in the world just as we see it with no fears of making mistakes or looking silly. Not wasting time thinking about failing, being vulnerable or embarrassed. And then we change. We usually can’t pinpoint the specific moment when we became worried about being vulnerable, we just know that all of a sudden, it begins to steal our energy. After reading Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly, I realized even more so how being vulnerable is a key component in enjoying and getting the most out of your life. Vulnerability is one of the biggest reasons people hesitate to join a group. If you happen to know that change is more likely in a group setting, this probably makes sense to you. The human brain likes to understand, to reflect, to question & be challenged, but humans don’t always like the process of change. In fact, sometimes it is downright uncomfortable! But hey, its better than being bored, right? 😉 If you are just finding me, you may see that I offer several groups. This is in part, because people seem to like them! But mostly, because I believe in them! Personally, I am a member of several counseling, consultation, networking and supervision groups. I even exercise with a group, because it keeps me more consistent, accountable, challenged, and happy! If you are unsure about joining a group, here are a few reasons why groups are beneficial! 1. You realize you are not alone! “Shame needs 3 things to grow exponentially. Secrecy, silence & judgement. The antidote is empathy. Talk to someone you love, reach out to someone you trust, tell your story.” Because anxiety & depression are directly related to shame, keeping our past trauma, regrets and true feelings inside are the very things that will make it more difficult to “show up” every day. Being part of a group means that you will not only get to tell your story, but hear from others, and gain support in knowing you are not alone. 2 . Time to think We all get busy and seldom schedule purposeful time to reflect on our lives. Support groups can provide a designated, safe space to voice your inner thoughts, question what your best self might look like, and challenge yourself in new ways. When I plan group sessions, I always make sure to include individual activities that encourage reflection. As a bonus, you also get constructive feedback, insight, encouragement, and support! 3. Motivation When you are part of a group, you meet several others who hear your goals – and can encourage you to stay motivated to reach them. Many times, the group setting can give more natural encouragement, motivation, and advice than could ever happen in an individual counseling appointment. 4. Coping Skills Learn new coping skills in an environment where it is safe to practice them! The hardest part of learning a new skill is mastery; getting enough practice to truly feel confident in using it. A support group is a great place to practice using those newfound coping skills and boundaries, and getting helpful feedback from your peers. 5. Growth!! Most of my groups are not centered around a specific problem; instead they are centered around growth, so if you have never been to counseling before, or if you don’t feel you need counseling, one of my support groups can definitely be the place for you! Like a personal training group for your physical wellness, a support group can be a place to set personal goals that you have never been able to achieve on your own! Humans are naturally social beings, even if we need time alone to recharge. How can you connect with others differently, challenge yourself in new ways, see things in a new light? Sometimes the biggest reward is in how you feel when you are being vulnerable, even it means failing… failing energetically, creating space for growth & new opportunities! Click here for more information on the groups I offer. -Gillian *** Gillian Amaro, LPC-S I believe that we, as individuals, can create joy, love, and purpose in our lives through authentic connection. I love empowering women, couples & teens to feel comfortable with who they are & gain insight about how they connect with others. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor & Supervisor and offer individual, family & couples sessions, as well as group therapy. My passion for counseling & healthy communication includes stepping out of the office to facilitate workshops and CEU trainings. *** 392 W. Mill St. New Braunfels, TX 78130 www.aspireNB.com Facebook: @AspireNewBraunfels Gillian’s profile on Psychology Today Aspire NB on Facebook
5 Steps for Creating Special time with our children Posted on February 1, 2018May 18, 2018 by AspireNB “Special time”, or M & M time as I like to call it (mommy & me) is simply a time to connect with your child daily that is different than the rest of the day. With visitors, phone calls, dishes, yard work….. most of us cannot connect with our children all the time! The simplicity & complexity of creating a sacred space for connection & healing is an important component of therapy. Similarly, you might need help in setting up a sacred space for connection with your child. Here are 5 steps to help you begin! 1) Decide how much time you can set aside for M&M time daily. Ideally, this would be 15-20 minutes every day with each child, however this obviously depends on your work demands, family rhythm, and size. The most important thing is that you are present with your child for a guaranteed amount of time daily. Even if you can only commit to 5 minutes daily, having a consistent routine for special time assures your child that they will get important connection every day, just with you. 2) Depending on your child’s age, think about- or talk with your child about- where is most comfortable for them to play and/or talk, and then decide the best time and place for special time. You may find one child wakes up early, and enjoys their special time then, while another needs to check in right after school or after dinner. Ideally, if you have multiple children, this is a time and place where their siblings are asleep, spending time with your spouse, or involved in another activity. 3) Develop some kind of ritual to signify that special time is beginning or ending. This could be a specific time, song, candle, fun yell, “secret sign”, or even lighting of a candle. With smaller children, you will want to set a timer, and give them updates about how much time is left, so that they understand clearly when special time begins and ends. 4) As much as possible, allow your child to talk about or ask you anything they want. If they ask a question that makes you feel uncomfortable, say that you are uncomfortable answering that and offer an alternative (more information on ACT limit setting here). As a parent, please make sure if you do ask questions during special time that they are: A) Open-ended B) Not related to recent arguments or disagreements and C) Your child can “pass” or choose not to answer for any reason 5) There are a few important “rules” for special time: 1. Allow your child to be “in charge” during this time as much as is possible. 2. If they want to do something that is not allowed, use the ACT limit setting strategy and try to keep your voice calm. 3. Setting Limits: Use the ACT limit setting technique described here 4. Phones are off and in another room. 5. Most of the play and/or topics should be introduced by the child. Examples of open ended questions: Can you describe your favorite part of your day today? Can you describe a time when you had trouble in school today? What made you laugh today? Can you tell me about a friend you have, that I don’t know much about? How is our family different from your friends’ families? How are we the same? Some ideas for special time activities might include: play dough legos puzzles painting blocks taking a walk outside cards or board games matchbox cars trains dolls pretend play -kitchen, tools, etc outdoor play/games Please allow yourself to make mistakes as you are trying this out. In time, it will get easier. As this becomes more routine, adding weekly or monthly “dates” with mom and dad are another great way to connect, do something fun, and create memories. Keep connecting! -Gillian For a quick summary of ACT limit setting, please click here For a video on ACT limit setting by Dr. Theresa Kellam please click here If you are hoping to make a change in your life, or would just like more information on counseling in general, please call 512-501-2597. You may schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation to ask questions, gain a better understanding of what counseling is like, and decide if it is the right step for you. “Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” -Fred Rogers *** Gillian Amaro, LPC-S I believe that we, as individuals, can create joy, love, and purpose in our lives through authentic connection. I love empowering women, couples & teens to feel comfortable with who they are & gain insight about how they connect with others. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor & Supervisor and offer individual, family & couples sessions, as well as group therapy. My passion for counseling & healthy communication includes stepping out of the office to facilitate workshops and CEU trainings. *** 392 W. Mill St. New Braunfels, TX 78130 www.aspireNB.com Facebook: @AspireNewBraunfels Gillian’s profile on Psychology Today Aspire NB on Facebook
ACT Limit Setting Posted on February 1, 2018May 18, 2018 by AspireNB ACT limit setting is a positive discipline strategy developed by Dr. Garry Landreth, co-founder of Child Parent Relational Therapy. Setting limits with your children is hard, and many times I am asked what books & techniques I recommend. ACT limit setting is always my first recommendation, and can be used with BOTH toddlers and teens. Here is a quick summary of the ACT limit setting formula: 1) Acknowledge the Feeling “You are feeling happy and having fun playing war…” 2) Communicate the Limit “but toys are not for throwing.” 3) Target the Alternative “You may move your toys fast or slide them on the floor” That’s it! Parenting is as much about setting limits as it is about having fun with your child. So, it only makes sense that connection must also happen when you need to discipline, or set limits for your child. The ACT method truly is a quick, easy way to communicate limits- and connect with your child. It can even be used with teens. For example: “I know you feel angry and disappointed that you cannot go to the concert with your friends. I wish you could go alone, but it is too far to drive by yourself. If you still want to go, I can take you myself, or you can go with your dad.” Regardless of the limits or rules you need to set in your home, genuinely listening to & understanding your child’s feelings is critical for fostering a positive parent-child relationship. As a bonus, this positive relationship & connection makes it easier for your child to accept your rules & limits! Keep connecting! -Gillian For a video on setting limits with young children, click here. *** Gillian Amaro, LPC-S I believe that we, as individuals, can create joy, love, and purpose in our lives through authentic connection. I love empowering women, couples & teens to feel comfortable with who they are & gain insight about how they connect with others. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor & Supervisor and offer individual, family & couples sessions, as well as group therapy. My passion for counseling & healthy communication includes stepping out of the office to facilitate workshops and CEU trainings. *** 392 W. Mill St. New Braunfels, TX 78130 www.aspireNB.com Facebook: @AspireNewBraunfels Gillian’s profile on Psychology Today Aspire NB on Facebook
GOAL Getters Group Posted on January 7, 2018January 7, 2019 by AspireNB Gaining a support team as you take on a new challenge can be crucial to your success. This group will allow you to feel both challenged and supported by your peers in a confidential, calm and safe setting. We will focus on your personal goals, and also identify potential triggers and road blocks, help you prepare for them with custom strategies, discussing fear’s role in your goal achievement, and again, gaining genuine support from other likeminded women. In every group meeting, you can expect supportive and experiential group activities, meditation & relaxation exercises, healthy communication strategies, quiet time for reflection, and support from your peers. This group will meet once a month on Wednesday evenings, beginning in February 2019 and will continue to meet until December 2019. Each group meeting lasts for 2 hours.
Helping our Children with Grief through the Holidays Posted on November 6, 2017May 18, 2018 by AspireNB Grief & the Holidays: Helping our Children & Teens By Gillian Amaro, M.Ed., LPC-S “The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but, you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to.” -Elizabeth Kubler-Ross & David Kessler When a loved one dies, what used to be the most wonderful time of year can suddenly be a harsh reminder that someone you love is no longer with you and your family. There are many different ways to grieve, and so similarly, there are many different ways to observe the holiday season after a loss. One way to start is to have a family discussion that includes- and focuses on – your children. Most likely, the loss of your loved one will demand changes in your holiday routine. Talking about these changes openly will allow all members of your family to share how they connected with their loved one during the holiday season. It also allows everyone to explain why they can’t celebrate in the same way this year– or why they feel it is so important that traditions continue. Sometimes families like to add traditions to honor their loved ones. Remind your family that the focus of this discussion is to listen to each other and support each other, not to force a compromise or decision. As much as possible, try to find ways to incorporate everyone’s wishes. Each child is unique and cannot be expected to experience their grief in the same way as others. They may be sad and talking about their loved one often, or they may be happy and focused on the season alone; both are normal. Reminding your children about this will help them to be more supportive of each other. Though it is a busy time of year, it will be important for you to be flexible. Children’s emotions can change quickly, so try to be patient. They may need a time out from festivities to remember their loved one, even if they (or you) did not think they would need to. Model your feelings about your grief and the holidays with statements like “I am feeling_______. I need _________. Will you ________?” You can find a complete list of feelings & needs here. If you have conflicting feelings, it is ok to say both and explain why. Finally, if you are unable to cope with the holiday season without the help of alcohol or drugs, or if you find yourself unable to have these conversations with your children, seek out help from a licensed counselor. You are grieving too, and if you do not have support, you won’t be able to give your children the support and understanding they need. For books and more information, the Children’s Bereavement Center of South Texas has a great list of resources here: http://cbcst.org/what-we-do/resources/recommended-readings/ *** Gillian Amaro, LPC-S I believe that we, as individuals, can create joy, love, and purpose in our lives through authentic connection. I love empowering women, couples & teens to feel comfortable with who they are & gain insight about how they connect with others. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor & Supervisor and offer individual, family & couples sessions, as well as group therapy. My passion for counseling & healthy communication includes stepping out of the office to facilitate workshops and CEU trainings. *** 392 W. Mill St. New Braunfels, TX 78130 www.aspireNB.com Facebook: @AspireNewBraunfels Gillian’s profile on Psychology Today Aspire NB on Facebook
Your brain & exercise Posted on November 14, 2015May 18, 2018 by AspireNB I’ve always known that exercise is important, but I recently read through The Upward Spiral by Alex Korb, PhD and was happy to find even more research support for it. The Upward Spiral discusses using neuroscience to reverse the course of depression, one small change at a time – with one of those being exercise. I want to clarify that “exercise” doesn’t have to mean working out like Rocky every day of the week. It simply means MOVING YOUR BODY. This can include throwing a baseball in the backyard, taking your dog for a walk, dancing to music in your kitchen, chasing your toddler into the next room, or even cleaning the house! As always, I encourage you to start where you are and focus on your progress. Maybe when you begin, you are very tired, and the dishes are your exercise. Put on some music, and let yourself move a little extra. The next day, maybe you feel better after the dishes are done, and continue dancing – or take a walk around the block. Start small, but be consistent! Some type of movement every day helps! Alex Korb said in The Upward Spiral that “your brain does not like being idle; it comes with a body, and it wants to use it.” Here are 5 great (brain researched) reasons to get out and run, walk, or dance – listed in his book. The Natural Antidepressant. “Exercise is possibly the most straightforward and powerful way to start an upward spiral. Not only is it easy to understand, but exercise also has many of the same effects on the brain as antidepressant medications and even mimics the buzz of recreational drugs. Yet exercise is natural, it causes more nuanced and targeted brain changes, and its benefits can exceed even those of medication.” -Alex Korb, Ph.D. Better sleep. “Depression often messes up your sleep patterns, but exercise improves your sleep, making it more restorative for your brain.” -Alex Korb, Ph.D. A Stronger Brain. Exercise increases nerve growth factors, such as brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), which are like steroids for your brain. BDNF makes your brain stronger, so it’s more resistant to all kinds of problems, not just depression.” -Alex Korb, Ph.D. Better Concentration “Exercise increases norepinephrine” which helps increase concentration and deep thinking. -Alex Korb, Ph.D. Motivation and Better Decision Making “The orbitofrontal cortex influences motivation and decision making. The dorsolateral prefrontal cortex helps with planning and thinking. The insula modulates pain perception. And the anterior cingulate guides your focus. Amazingly, endorphin signaling in all of these areas is improved by exercise.” -Alex Korb, Ph.D. To really boost the effects of exercise, try one of the following: Be purposeful. Make a specific goal for how you want to move- and stick to it. Better yet – make it a “SMART” goal; specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely. In addition, PLAN for obstacles. What is the most likely obstacle to this goal? Make a plan for what you when that obstacle happens AHEAD of time, so you don’t have to think about it in the moment. There are always obstacles in life, so planning for them ahead of time can feel very empowering and energizing. Get out! Instead of going to a gym, choose a local trail or park to run or walk in. Even if there’s not a pretty view where you run, just running outside has more mood-boosting benefits than the gym or treadmill. Team Up. This is probably the most important piece! Join a supportive exercise group or gym, partner with a personal trainer, or ask a friend to commit to your exercise plan with you. This helps you stick to your goal – and the socialization also improves your brain’s health. “Humans are a social species- we evolved to survive with each other, and our brains are healthiest when we interact with and feel connected to others” -Alex Korb, PhD., The Upward Spiral Add music. Make a playlist of positive songs that you can listen to during exercise. “Music engages most of the limbic system, including the hippocampus, anterior cingulate, and nucleus accumbens, which is why it can be motivating and can help regulate your emotions. It can also be soothing, lowering blood pressure and reducing stress.” Alex Korb, Ph.D, The Upward Spiral Say thank you! Make a practice of being grateful for your body’s ability to move- and practice saying it every time you move! I hope this has inspired you to get out there and move! If you would like to learn more about the brain and how it is affected by depression and anxiety, please read The Upward Spiral by Alex Korb, Ph.D. -Gillian *** Gillian Amaro, LPC-S I believe that we, as individuals, can create joy, love, and purpose in our lives through authentic connection. I love empowering women, couples & teens to feel comfortable with who they are & gain insight about how they connect with others. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor & Supervisor and offer individual, family & couples sessions, as well as group therapy. My passion for counseling & healthy communication includes stepping out of the office to facilitate workshops and CEU trainings. *** 392 W. Mill St. New Braunfels, TX 78130 www.aspireNB.com Facebook: @AspireNewBraunfels Gillian’s profile on Psychology Today Aspire NB on Facebook
Counseling Chaos Posted on November 10, 2015May 18, 2018 by AspireNB “Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart.” (unknown) Stress. We all feel it and at times, we all are negatively affected by it. It’s easy to think that to escape it, we have to move to a remote island, however health psychologist Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D. feels strongly that as far as our health is concerned, stress is only as bad as our attitude about it. Better yet, if we use our stress as a way to strengthen our connection with others, we can triumph over it. What a relief to know that we don’t have to live life in a remote cabin in the woods to escape the negative health effects of stress! When stress is caused by a unique situation such as sudden or lingering trauma, it is even more important to reach out for help. Trauma brings on a heightened state, so even if you usually have good coping skills, a traumatic event can simply be too much to handle on your own. Although you may want to “stay strong” or “deal with it” the best way to do both of those things is to connect with others and ask for help. In order to survive, we have to reach out – through counseling, friends, neighbors, family, your church — or all of the above. No matter how we initially cope, if we fail to address stress and its impact on our lives, we can find ourselves feeling numb or “waiting” to live our lives fully. As Kelly McGonigal states, stress is not the enemy… it can even propel us to set and accomplish bigger goals. It comes from all different sources, but it is something we have to acknowledge and understand- with the help of others we trust. We cannot always control what happens in life, but we can choose how and what we react to, and learn ways to refocus our energy and define our future. Alex Korb, Ph.D., in his book The Upward Spiral, explains that when we are stressed, we act more out of habit than intention. He explains that the increased habitual behavior we experience when stressed is “caused by changes in processing within the habitual dorsal striatum. In addition, the stress caused the decision-making orbitofrontal cortex to actually shrink”. In other words, once we take time to relax and take care of our stress in a positive way, the orbitofrontal cortex returns to its normal size. This is another reason why connection is so important – when we’re stressed, we tend to forget the importance of taking care of ourselves, and friends can help us remember to do that. For example, setting a weekly or daily routine of exercising with a friend, setting a goal and asking someone to help keep you accountable to it, meeting a friend for yoga, asking for help and expressing your gratitude when someone accepts, smiling at others, taking a walk outside with a coworker or just laughing can all help you increase positive connections and reduce your stress. If you are struggling to begin some of these steps or feel there are other things you need to address, consider calling a professional counselor. Counseling can help us quiet negative thoughts in our mind and face them bravely, by connecting and healing with a trusted professional. It might be scary, but it can also be the first step to reclaiming your life from stress. Instead of making decisions out of fear and doubt, you can work towards making decisions that truly define what you want and where you are going. Learning to find peace in the middle; experiencing healing, peace, and insight despite facing a stressful world. You may not be able to change the world, but you can start with caring for yourself. -Gillian If you would like help sifting through stress in your life, or would like more information on counseling in general, please call 512-501-2597. You may schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation to ask questions, gain a better understanding of what counseling is like, and decide if it is the right step for you. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor located in New Braunfels, TX and offer individual counseling, couples counseling, group counseling, and workshops. TED talk by Kelly McGonigal: *** Gillian Amaro, LPC-S I believe that we, as individuals, can create joy, love, and purpose in our lives through authentic connection. I love empowering women, couples & teens to feel comfortable with who they are & gain insight about how they connect with others. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor & Supervisor and offer individual, family & couples sessions, as well as group therapy. My passion for counseling & healthy communication includes stepping out of the office to facilitate workshops and CEU trainings. *** 392 W. Mill St. New Braunfels, TX 78130 www.aspireNB.com Facebook: @AspireNewBraunfels Gillian’s profile on Psychology Today Aspire NB on Facebook
Love & Marriage: couples in the first year Posted on September 8, 2015May 18, 2018 by AspireNB Love and Marriage: Couples in the first year Do you feel that? She asked as we watched the stars and moon illuminate the sea before us. Tell me you feel it? That longing to not just exist, but to live and to live beautifully? I, with a smile filled with so much truth it could move the clouds, said to her: Of course I feel it. The heart in you, is the heart in me. -Christopher Poindexter Summer.. time for weddings, love, the beach, and relaxing. Then comes September, school, work, the bills…. Especially in the first year of marriage, we all hope for things to be easy, filled only with love, fun, and wonderful times. Maybe you are one of the lucky few where this happens easily but I think most of the time, LIFE happens instead. Life can spark disagreements and stress for couples, and leave both of you questioning what marriage is “supposed” to be like. When my husband and I got married in 2007, we both looked to our families to see what made their marriages successful. We knew that having their advice was a luxury not everyone is privileged to have. At the same time, even their advice was confusing at times … both sides with different marriage styles that were different from our own! The truth is, marriage not only needs love – but hard work … even in the first year! Adding to the list of newlywed stresses are the statistics. We have all seen the numbers broadcast on TV, social media, and the internet that over 50% of marriages now end in divorce. Not a pleasant statistic for newlyweds- or anyone considering marriage or a committed relationship! Many couples feel marriage counseling is the beginning of the end, when in reality, it is crucial to learn and practice healthy communication from the beginning. Pre-marital counseling, early couples counseling or occasional “tune-ups” can help get any marriage started on the right foot- and assess for areas that can be improved before they create more serious problems. I use the Gottman Couples Method when working with couples and feel it gives couples clear strategies to bring healing into their relationship, instead of focusing solely on what’s going wrong. John Gottman has defined the “4 horsemen of the apocalypse” (behaviors that can deteriorate a marriage or relationship and invite breakups) 1. criticism 2. contempt 3. defensiveness 4. stonewalling Over the course of any marriage or relationship, it is highly probable that at least one or two of these horsemen will appear. However, learning how to communicate effectively can prevent them from taking up permanent space in your relationship. I use Gottman’s Couples Method because it has decades of research to support its theories and I have seen it work! If you are recently married, or are thinking about getting engaged, and would like to learn how to prevent arguments or more effectively communicate with your partner, give me a call for a free phone consultation. -Gillian To learn more about John Gottman’s 4 horsemen and their antidotes, watch the clip below: John Gottman’s 4 horsemen video If you would like to read more articles on Gottman’s research, visit his blog here: Gottman Blog *** Gillian Amaro, LPC-S I believe that we, as individuals, can create joy, love, and purpose in our lives through authentic connection. I love empowering women, couples & teens to feel comfortable with who they are & gain insight about how they connect with others. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor & Supervisor and offer individual, family & couples sessions, as well as group therapy. My passion for counseling & healthy communication includes stepping out of the office to facilitate workshops and CEU trainings. *** 392 W. Mill St. New Braunfels, TX 78130 www.aspireNB.com Facebook: @AspireNewBraunfels Gillian’s profile on Psychology Today Aspire NB on Facebook
Beginning Again Posted on August 4, 2015May 18, 2018 by AspireNB “When we stop caring about what people think, we lose our capacity for connection. When we become defined by what people think, we lose our willingness to be vulnerable. If we dismiss all the criticism, we lose out on important feedback, but if we subject ourselves to the hatefulness, our spirits get crushed. It’s a tightrope, shame resilience is the balance bar, and the safety net below is the one or two people in our lives who can help us reality-check the criticism and cynicism.” – Brene Brown, Ph.D., LMSW I am worthy. I am worthy of change, of hoping for more. I am worthy even though ______________ told me I wasn’t. What would it take for you to feel worthy? Empowered? Content with who you are, right now? It is easy to fall prey to anxiety or shame and let it dictate your life’s course. Maybe you think you are unworthy because you are “supposed” to be farther along in life, or because you have made mistakes in your past. Sometimes you feel unworthy because you suffered trauma, abuse, or just because you are not ______ enough, whatever that may be. If you notice yourself being overly critical, (using the words “always”, “never” or “should” can often be an indication of this) try to take a step back to rephrase. For example, instead of “I can never get it right!” saying: “This feels overwhelming right now, and I can’t do it all. What I can do is ________”. Another way to take care of yourself is to connect with others in a genuine way. Find someone to talk to who will want to learn about the ways you are unique instead of judging you for your differences. Start where you are, be kind to yourself, and work at your own pace. As the saying goes the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is today. Instead of helping us “toughen up” and succeed, being critical of ourselves is often our biggest downfall. We gradually shut down, decreasing our ability to be creative, productive, and successful – to dull the very light within us that others may need to see. The very light that propels us to change and grow. Real life is full of maybes, grey areas and unanswered questions. If we can’t believe and trust in ourselves, it will be difficult to achieve our goals, connect with others, and feel content. We are here today to try again- and what a beautiful beginning. -Gillian If you are hoping to make a change in your life, or would just like more information on counseling in general, please call 512-501-2597. You may schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation to ask questions, gain a better understanding of what counseling is like, and decide if it is the right step for you. *** Gillian Amaro, LPC-S I believe that we, as individuals, can create joy, love, and purpose in our lives through authentic connection. I love empowering women, couples & teens to feel comfortable with who they are & gain insight about how they connect with others. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor & Supervisor and offer individual, family & couples sessions, as well as group therapy. My passion for counseling & healthy communication includes stepping out of the office to facilitate workshops and CEU trainings. *** 392 W. Mill St. New Braunfels, TX 78130 www.aspireNB.com Facebook: @AspireNewBraunfels Gillian’s profile on Psychology Today Aspire NB on Facebook
Calming Ourselves in a Chaotic World Posted on June 24, 2015June 28, 2017 by AspireNB “When all our needs are fulfilled, the brain doesn’t need to focus on survival tasks and feels safe enough to open up to our natural presence and uncover happiness.” -Dr. Elisha Goldstein, PhD. Do you ever feel like you don’t have enough time? That you can never do enough or be “good enough”? Maybe you feel everyone is against you? Do you find yourself yelling at other drivers on the road, or losing patience with your closest friends and family members? Sometimes dealing with life’s everyday stressors can get the best of us, and leave us feeling like some of the examples above. It can happen to everyone – and when we are faced with a world that feels chaotic, we struggle more and more with how to understand and experience stress in a way that does not cause harm to ourselves, or our loved ones. The most tempting way to deal with our feelings is often to numb ourselves – with TV, food, constant distractions, or substances. Numbing can be helpful temporarily, but it’s best to learn to cope with these stressors in a way that will interrupt their negative cycle and create more lasting change in our life. According to Farb et.al’s study Minding one’s emotions: Mindfulness training alters the neural expression of sadness, mindfulness training (MT) has been shown to facilitate both recovery from emotional challenge and increased tolerance of negative affect. Here are a few ways to practice calming yourself: 1. Investigate what types of situations trigger negative emotions or behaviors for you, and why. 2. When you know a stressful time is approaching, make plans to connect with a friend or loved one who lifts you up or makes you laugh. 3. Write down short verses that encourage you to stop and create more awareness for yourself. In her book, Uncovering Happiness, Dr. Goldstein gives examples such as “Breathing in, I am here… Breathing out, I am alive” while taking steps inside, or “Breathing in, I notice the colors all around me… Breathing out, I smile” while outside. Another option is “Breathing in, I wash my hands…. Breathing out, gratitude for these hands”. 4. When you are recovering from stress or a triggering situation, take time to engage in meditation. Below are a few examples to get you started. Dr. Goldstein’s 10 minute body scan Sky Mind Meditation Dr. Goldstein’s Sky of Awareness Meditation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mtsdz_jhB7c For more information regarding counseling services for stress management, anxiety, perfectionism, or other concerns, please see our contact information below. Thanks, Gillian Aspire New Braunfels PLLC 145 Landa Street, New Braunfels, TX 78130 512-501-2597